Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
