Soap is not a condiment
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
