I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
