You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
