I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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