ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
