so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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