You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
