Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
