Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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