i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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