After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
