I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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