their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
