Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
