i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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