Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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