i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
