He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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