I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
