Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
