I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
