Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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