My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
