im having a threesome with these popsicles
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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