my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
