i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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