I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize