i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
