The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
