I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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