I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize