I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
