oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
