Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
