glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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