last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
