just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
time to smoke my breakfast
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize