I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
