If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
God, I missed his penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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