is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
