Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
