honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
whose ass print is on the piano?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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