she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
