I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
