what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
