A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
