note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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