I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We left an ass print on the piano.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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