from now on my penis is your penis
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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