And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
