Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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