is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want nice things and good sex
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
