He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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