I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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