just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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