I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
