I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
