One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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