I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
