whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
