I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
