I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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