My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
