I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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