if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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