well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
