My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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