we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
