got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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