I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
