I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
