whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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