It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
