why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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