The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
