awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
