me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
