I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
