Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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