i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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