Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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